Over Christmas, as I was drifting off to sleep, I had a sudden thought: "oh no, I haven't even begun to think of my word for next year!" As soon as I finished my sentence the word popped in to my head. The speed of my response to the initial thought made me hesitant. How can a word come so freely when it hasn't even been on my mind. That was nearly a week ago but it took until yesterday for me to truly let the word loose in my thoughts. I typed in out but I didn't want to own it. It felt dull, plain, not very me. I wanted something exciting, challenging, new.
I wandered Port Meadow this morning, as has become my new year custom. I didn't walk my usual route, I wanted to see the ponies that live on the meadow so I went away from the river. As I walked and got closer to the ponies, I decided that I'd gotten close enough and I was going to head for home. That's when I heard the word again...
Stay
...and I realised it's the word I need this year. I'm easily distracted. I need people around me to prompt me when I start to stray from my path. I settle for enough and go elsewhere.
Stay seems such an unexciting word. I was hoping for "adventure" or "dream" or "growth". It's such an ambiguous word when you think about it. Do I stay a little longer in God's presence each day, stay in one place and make no progress, dwell in the good moments, soak up all that is around me, stay put where I live? What is it?
I cannot deny, it also has me wondering- what is going to distract me this year? Why do I need to stay? Is there something ahead that will totally ruin my faith? Sometimes I feel like I'm walking a tightrope and a slight wobble will have me plummeting to the darkness below. This year doesn't feel like that.
I expect challenges as a part of my Christian journey and I cannot plan ahead. All I can know if that Jesus is my Rock, my firm foundation that will keep me on this path through everything.
So here I am. This is the first year I've been excited for the year ahead and not thrown by the whole "new year, new me" thing. It's 2018 and I'm gonna stay a little longer.
Showing posts with label safe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label safe. Show all posts
Monday, 1 January 2018
Tuesday, 29 December 2015
One Word 365 (2015)
In small group the other week, my small group leader mentioned about One Word 365 (http://oneword365.com/) and challenged the two of us in small group to do it for the coming year. She was telling us about her words for the past couple of years, what they've ended up meaning, what she's learnt. And as she spoke, I realised that I knew my word for the past 12 months.
Safe.
My word for 2015 was safe and I didn't even know it. But it makes complete sense. This year has been a massive lesson in learning to trust God. I've been through so many things which would make others give up and yet here I am still. God has kept me safe in so many ways. I haven't self harmed since February, For the whole of 2015 I haven't taken an overdose. Physically I've been safe. Financially, when I've had no income, when I've been homeless, when I've felt at rock bottom God has provided. I've been safe in all of those times. I've had amazing friends put in my path, even when I thought I was losing them because life changed; they've remained. These are safe, stable friendships like I've never had before. With my history being full of people I thought were safe, who then proved otherwise; or those of who I was always wary; and the forever changing list of safe people I could talk to, I'm amazed these people have genuinely stuck around. They consistently find themselves on my safe list of people in a crisis and they even stick around in the good times too! I don't need to be broken to be loved. I feel safe with them wherever we are. I walk in to a room with them and I know I'm home. Home is a safe place. For me, home doesn't quite fit the box that people would like it to, but I know where I feel safe, and for me, when I feel safe, I'm home.
Back in spring, I went on an Encounter course at church. It's a mix between therapy and theology and was just wonderful. In the very first week we talked about characteristics of God and the one that came immediately to mind was safe. I'd never considered this characteristic of God before and I wasn't quite sure where that thought would lead me. I realise it's brought me here. I am safe, because God is safe. And I needed to learn that He will keep me safe no matter what. I've begun to accept I am safe and therefore I'm ready to take risks. Knowing that I have a safety net in God. He will catch me, break the fall, pick me back up. I'm safe and I trust Him. Let's see where 2016 takes me.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.
Psalm 4:8 (NLT)
Safe.
My word for 2015 was safe and I didn't even know it. But it makes complete sense. This year has been a massive lesson in learning to trust God. I've been through so many things which would make others give up and yet here I am still. God has kept me safe in so many ways. I haven't self harmed since February, For the whole of 2015 I haven't taken an overdose. Physically I've been safe. Financially, when I've had no income, when I've been homeless, when I've felt at rock bottom God has provided. I've been safe in all of those times. I've had amazing friends put in my path, even when I thought I was losing them because life changed; they've remained. These are safe, stable friendships like I've never had before. With my history being full of people I thought were safe, who then proved otherwise; or those of who I was always wary; and the forever changing list of safe people I could talk to, I'm amazed these people have genuinely stuck around. They consistently find themselves on my safe list of people in a crisis and they even stick around in the good times too! I don't need to be broken to be loved. I feel safe with them wherever we are. I walk in to a room with them and I know I'm home. Home is a safe place. For me, home doesn't quite fit the box that people would like it to, but I know where I feel safe, and for me, when I feel safe, I'm home.
Back in spring, I went on an Encounter course at church. It's a mix between therapy and theology and was just wonderful. In the very first week we talked about characteristics of God and the one that came immediately to mind was safe. I'd never considered this characteristic of God before and I wasn't quite sure where that thought would lead me. I realise it's brought me here. I am safe, because God is safe. And I needed to learn that He will keep me safe no matter what. I've begun to accept I am safe and therefore I'm ready to take risks. Knowing that I have a safety net in God. He will catch me, break the fall, pick me back up. I'm safe and I trust Him. Let's see where 2016 takes me.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.
Psalm 4:8 (NLT)
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