I thought I had a really catchy title for this post, but it doesn't quite fit. Hmmmm anyway...
The week before last I had the privilege of curating a different twitter account. One called MH_Voices. Every week someone different takes over and tweets about their life and their experiences, they ask questions, raise awareness and help build community. I was really nervous, because wow suddenly everyone was about to really see my life. Not just the personal-Twitter-appropriate version either. I've been putting off this blog post because it's really hard to write also.
I went in to curating the account with the view of "stories are important". I am a massive believer in that everyone has a story to tell. Life may seem uneventful or it may be incredibly overwhelming but every single thing that happens is part of what makes you unique. I find my own story a bit hard to deal with sometimes. There's some bad stuff (which I'm relatively open about), some good stuff (which I'll constantly talk about) and then there's some stuff I'm still processing (mostly bad and definitely not often talked about). Some of it I'm ashamed about but it happened and it has made me who I am today. I told the Twitter-world some of my mental health story. It's hard because a lot of it is intertwined with other things. My recovery definitely has made more progress since I became a Christian. How does one tell people that in a sensitive manner; telling the truth but not forcing my beliefs upon others? I hope that I got that balance right. God doesn't fix everything but doing life with Him had to be better than the state I got myself in to alone. That's what my faith hinged on, that one thought the night I became a Christian; "it can't be worse than my life right now".
I finished my week curating even more convinced that stories are valuable and no story is insignificant. I also finished it with a realisation: I have a voice. I have infinite words when it comes to writing them on paper, typing them on a computer screen but speaking aloud is not my thing. But maybe it should be. I've never been the outgoing one in a group of people, I struggle to maintain conversations with strangers, I become socially incompetent when faced with more than one person to talk to at a time. If we're in a meeting, unless I'm having a particularly bad day, I will sit quietly, agree with whatever is said and let opportunities pass me by because I am afraid of the repercussions of voicing my thoughts. People have said utterly hurtful things about the way I've spoken up previously which has resulted in me being even less willing to talk. A Twitter account, where I can share my story and not be told it's wrong is an infinite confidence boost. I've been more honest, I've been brave in doing different things, I've started to speak up a little more (but I know I need to work on my tone of voice!). Things are changing, little by little. All thanks to Mental Health Voices.
I have dreams for the future where telling my story will bring hope to others in a big way, but right now, I want to make a difference to one person at a time and a simple Twitter account has started the process. I can do this. I have a story and my voice is valuable. One step at a time.
