Monday 10th October is World Mental Health Day. Time to Change's Story Camp inspired me and so this blog post is happening. I've not so bluntly spoken about my mental health in a long time and this feels weird but hopefully I can do this.
I currently have 2 diagnoses. Depression and Atypical Anorexia. This week I surprised my boss by asking to take my time in lieu in one go instead of taking a week off sick; she had very little idea. There are so many misconceptions about mental illness. I want to tackle a couple related to depression that I've experienced- and they're all lies that my head likes to tell me regularly.
1) A relapse of depression means something has happened in my life.
Believe it or not, everything in my life is pretty darn good currently. Work is amazing, I love where I'm living, I have fabulous friends, I'm taking my medication every single day. Depression doesn't always have a cause, sometimes medication stops working, sometimes nothing big triggers it. It isn't a delayed reaction to something that happened weeks/months ago. I'm not faking it nor am I doing anything wrong. Sometimes it happens without any cause.
2) I can't be depressed because I have good days.
Up until Tuesday, I went in to work every single day and plastered a smile on my face. I did everything I was meant to, in the time frame I needed to and chatted to colleagues in spare moments. I used every ounce of energy that I had to do that. 4 hours out of 24 hours every day. 20 hours of letting my head win so I have the energy for 4 hours of fighting. In the past 3 days, leaving the house has been near impossible, and that's after getting dressed. Just because I don't show you outwardly what's going on in my head, doesn't mean I'm fine.
3) My friends are used to my depression and know exactly how to help so no-one else needs to get involved.
Honestly, from one episode to the next, I cannot tell you what has consistently helped. Sometimes being with my friends is the best thing, sometimes sleeping for 18 hours a day is better. Sometimes continuing life as normal is helpful, sometimes it just masks what is really going on. If I knew what helped, I could tell my friends or even potentially help myself. If you have a new idea, say. I'm relatively ok with people suggesting things (except "have you tried meditating/medication/thinking more positively).
4) Don't get close to me because I am a burden.
I really struggle with this one. I believe that I am an utter drain on my friends because I'm attention seeking and needy and always interrupting their lives. I know this isn't true. My friends are really good at telling me when it's too much but they're also amazing at dropping everything and making sure I'm ok. They also respect my space if I go silent on them for a couple of days. You do not need to avoid me, I maintain balanced friendships and your bad week will not send me spiralling- my depression also isn't contagious.
5) You can't be a real Christian/God can't be real because you're not healed.
This is the one I have the biggest fight with. I know God is real. I chose to follow Jesus 2.5 years ago and I don't regret this at all. Life following Jesus isn't easy, even when I am well there are challenges but that's ok. One really clear thing throughout this entire time is that God will use my story in a powerful way. I used to ask for healing frequently and He would tell me "no", that answer has changed over the past year to "not yet". And this is the hope that keeps me clinging on for better days- I just have to be patient. Please don't judge me for my faith nor God for not healing me instantly. Respect my beliefs. I have hope for the future and that's what keeps me alive. One day it will be better,
I know there are so many more but these are the five biggest misconceptions I experience regularly. If there are other massive stigma that you've experienced and think I've missed, feel free to comment. Slowly we'll break through stigma and people will understand more.
