Sometimes I forget I have a blog, or feel like I have nothing to write about and then other times I feel like I must write about everything and I get overwhelmed because what exactly do I write about?! The last month has been a muddle of both of these things and finally, I have time, energy, motivation and brain space to sit and type.
I started writing this while being sat by the doors that open on to our back garden so I got to admire the gorgeous autumn sky while staying warm under a blanket. I'm finishing this post sat on a friend's sofa while I babysit for the evening. I was staring out the window earlier thinking about how gorgeous the day was and how thankful I was that I was able to enjoy it. I'm thankful now that I can be curled up on this sofa knowing it's a place filled with love and that things can change but I still have my friends. I love these little moments of joy that remind me there is so much good even in the difficult times.
The last couple of weeks have been really eye-opening for me. My job has changed things. I've loved jobs before but this is a whole new experience- I could write a whole post on just how much I love my work so I won't get carried away but this has brought new realisations.
I am content. There I said it. Things are good and even when they aren't, it's ok.
I was at a friend's work event the other day and I was totally thrilled for her. Genuinely thrilled, without any hint of jealousy that I wish I could do cool things like she is doing or regretting all the choices I've made to this point. I cannot wait to see how her new job pans out and what awesome things she'll see happen. My eyes maybe possibly welled with tears of happiness, but I can't completely confirm this.
This past weekend a friend got engaged and I was totally happy for her. I haven't spent a single moment wishing it was me, or hating the fact I'm single. This is a huge change for me. I haven't spent hours in tears about being left behind or forgotten about. I cannot wait to hang out with her and hear all the details.
Doing new things has helped; I am sure of this. I'm in a new environment where I can be me, not me with a history, and it's been a valuable change. A really scary step to start with- I left my comfort zone a long way behind but really I haven't lost anything. I've gained so much in such a short space of time and I want to desperately hold on to this. This week has probably been the toughest in a long time, but it has totally reminded me of the things in my life that are precious to me.
It certainly hasn't been an easy journey to get to this point, and I am certain there will be huge bumps in the journey ahead but I am learning contentment no matter the circumstances and it's so satisfying.
