New Year, New Me.

We all know how it works. The time changes from 23:59 to 00:00. The year increases one number. And somehow a switch is flicked and suddenly we are a brand new version of ourselves. Everything resets and we have a brand new chance to be the very best person we can be. Whatever happened the previous year is behind us and forgotten. No-one ever references our mistakes and failures ever again. 

Oh, that isn't how it works? Darn it. There was me thinking I've been doing something wrong every single year. 

We set ourselves goals; resolve to change ourselves in some way. We strive for the latest idea of perfection which no doubt, as the year goes on, will change. Currently it's all about being skinny without being too skinny and eating only plant based food or is it being an ethical vegan?! Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not really down with the latest cool things, and you definitely can't ever beat a three cheese toastie on thick white bread. MMMM melted cheese. 

Anyway...

Somehow the increase of a single digit on the year means we must improve ourselves exponentially. It's like starting that diet "on Monday" or joining the gym at the start of the month but on a massive scale. A new year means we must try and change everything all at once, and to me that just seems to be a recipe for disaster. And yet still I give in to the pressure every year and make these resolutions, that by February I've lost momentum with and by December can't for the life of me remember what they were! 

My 2015 started in a suitably miserable way. Home alone and watching New Year's Eve. There was probably some tears and a bit of self harm chucked in there too. My likely resolution was "don't see the end of 2015". But look, on the 30th December 2015, here I am. Alive and kicking. It would be an understatement to say that a lot changes in 12 months. A lot changes every 12 months between my birthdays too, but I don't sit there the night before my birthday making a list of things I want to change by the time I get to my next birthday. I could pick any random day and say by this time next year I want this to be different, but I don't. So why do we do it for a new year? 

I see a lot of things on social media these days about people who struggle with the concept of a new year and all the improvements they must make. It really is simply another day. It's taken me YEARS to learn that. I find this time of year difficult. It's when the "you don't belong in next year" thoughts shout loudest. But if that were the case, why once I made it to 2013, to 2014, to 2015 was I allowed to live in the months following January but not that first month? It makes no sense. The month rolls over, the date changes, but this happens every 28-31 days. This December 31st-1st January I am trying to make a conscious effort to not do anything "special" Yes I will hang out with friends, but I will come home when I'm tired. Yes, I will set myself a list of goals for the year but I'm not committed to them. I'd love to join a gym and lose xkg by March and give up x, y and z but what's the point? 

God made me as I am, and the only improvements I should be making should be ones drawing me closer to Christ. I don't need to change my body, I don't need to "think more happy thoughts" and no matter how many professionals tell me exercise will help my mood I know for a fact it doesn't and it achieves nothing but actually exacerbating my depression (fun fact about me right there ;)) so why do I need to force myself to go to the gym at least 3 times a week? Friday is just the start of another month. Instead of trying to change myself, I'm going to work harder on making sure I am truly thankful for all that I already have. I'm going to let God use me for good things. I'm going to be brave (there'll be a post about that on Friday!). I cannot change myself, by myself. I can do it only with God. 

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24