God provides for all our needs. Ask and you will receive. Trust God. There are countless verses to tell you those things. There are countless times a week my friends and acquaintances tell me these things. If I were to tell you I am 100% convinced that God will provide me with somewhere in Oxfordshire to live rent-free in the next 2 weeks for as long as I need I would be lying. Most of the time, this is my belief, but sometimes I doubt. And that's ok. Matthew 28:17 says "When they saw Him, they worshipped Him; but some doubted". Despite worshipping Jesus, some still doubted that he was the Messiah. And while I don't doubt Jesus is Lord, I do sometimes worry that He won't provide because I am some obscure exception; I've screwed up so much of my life, why would God provide for me this time?
What I really need to remember is that, while I'm freaking out worrying that I will be sofa-surfing for the foreseeable future, God is waiting for the right time to show the next step of His plan to me. My timing and His doesn't line up. I'm impatient, and always have been. I want things sorted yesterday. God gives just as the need presents. Same for my employment circumstances. Someone told me today you have to push one door at a time to see what opens. And she's right. If more than one door opened, how difficult would that decision be? How easily I could be led down the wrong path.
The world rushes past. We live in such a driven society where everything must be available at the click of a button. We no longer have to wait for anything we want, even when we don't need it. I know the more I immerse myself in that world, the faster my mental health declines. I become too driven and perfectionist. But take me out of that world, let me do things at the pace that is right for me, where I wait for God to provide; everything is easier. I'm not chasing after false idols. I'm focused on God because there's no other way to do it. The more I'm worrying about housing and employment, the more entangled I get in the mess that is my mind.
Live in the moment. Wait on God.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psalm 23:1-3
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